I’ve been spending a lot more time with my young children this week, and while they make it harder for me to get my work done, they bring incalculable joy to my life. Social science data suggests that I’m far from alone—marriage and fatherhood make men happier and more fulfilled.
Social scientists have long reported a strong correlation between involved fathers and various measures of children’s success in life—from better social and emotional development to escaping poverty. But fatherhood isn’t just good for the kids—it also helps the dads.
The 2022 General Social Survey found that men ages 18-55 report the highest levels of happiness when they’re married with children.
More than a third (35%) of men who are married with children said they were “very happy,” while almost half (49.3%) said they were “pretty happy,” and less than a sixth (15.7%) described themselves as “not at all happy.” By contrast, married men without kids are less likely to be “very happy” (29.8%) and more likely to be “not at all happy” (20.2%). The numbers get worse for single men, with and without kids.
“When it comes to men in their prime today, married fathers are the happiest,” Brad Wilcox, a professor of sociology at the University of Virginia and senior fellow at the Institute for Family Studies, told The Daily Signal in an interview Friday.
“Married dads typically live with their kids, so they have the benefit of staying with their kids, seeing their kids experience life,” Wilcox explained. “Married mothers whose husbands are more actively engaged with their children are happier in their marriages,” likely making the fathers happier, too.
“Happier marriages are powerfully linked to your overall satisfaction in life,” the professor added.
He also noted that married fatherhood changes a man in subtle ways.
While pregnancy and childbirth obviously affect women’s hormones, studies have also suggested that men, when they’re married to the mother of their children, also change.
Fathers “experience hormonal changes in pregnancy and they experience more hormonal changes the more they care for their infant or their toddler,” Wilcox explained. “It’s not just like married fatherhood domesticates men from a cultural vantage point—it’s also the case that being with your children physically seems to domesticate men, as well.”
This leads to a decrease in testosterone, with an associated decline in aggressiveness. The professor suggested the trade-off is very much worth it.
“Married fathers are the happiest guys out there, and that suggests that this transition into family for men, even if it’s associated with declines in testosterone, is not a bad thing,” he noted.
Married men with children also tend to work harder and make more money to support their families. Women’s pay has increased in recent years, but married men with children still make more money than single men.
Something is just right about a man getting married and raising kids.
There’s nothing like lifting my 3-year-old son in the air and watching him giggle, or helping my 6-year-old daughter learn to spell increasingly more complicated words. As I type these words, she’s drawing pictures of her favorite characters from “KPop Demon Hunters,” and proudly showing me her handiwork. Raising children reminds me of simple joys and helps me appreciate the life I have.
Of course, they’re a handful, and I don’t know what I’d do without my amazing wife to help comfort my boy when he has a tantrum, or to keep track of my daughter’s school schedule.
Not a day goes by that we don’t have some mess or accident, and there’s always something to worry about, but the joy the kids bring us makes every struggle worth it.
I don’t just believe that marriage and family help men thrive because I’ve read it in a paper or seen a convincing spreadsheet—I know it deep in my bones.
None of this is to downplay the issues that lead some to delay marriage and parenthood, and I know not everyone has the opportunities I’ve had. But I cannot stress enough how valuable it is to settle down and to raise children—and I think both American policy and culture should prioritize stable marriages and more children.
It won’t just help the kids—it will help the parents to thrive, as well.